Saturday, July 10, 2010

Laverne and Shirley

Laverne and Shirley ran from 1976 to 1983 and starred Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams.  They are both gifted comedians whose physical comedy was the center of the show. 

This clip is dedicated to restaurant workers and cooks everywhere:

Friday, July 9, 2010

Reviewing Doctor Offices

I just finished reading a review of a local restaurant and it got me to thinking.  Why don't they write reviews in the paper about doctors' offices?  Wouldn't that improve our health care and make waiting rooms a lot nicer?  Here's an example.

I visited the office of Dr. Squeeze and Smooch in a lovely area north of town.  Parking accommodations were unique as they only offer parallel parking or parking at meters that tended to devour my change.  Once however, I manage to get parked, the office entrance was only a few feet away and the walkway was beautifully decorated with large planters and a fountain that made you feel relaxed and serene before the poking and prodding began.

The front office receptionist was friendly although her eye contact was minimal as she requested my insurance card and asked me to complete the short novel also known as my "medical history form".  She offered me a pen but I declined as I prefer to use pens that have only been touched by my own hands.

The form was hard to read in places and the questions were often worded poorly. I also found several misspelled words and more grammatical errors than I could count.  I felt like I wanted to take a nap halfway through the thing and wondered why they couldn't condense this 10 page albatross into something short and sweet.

The office lighting was not the usual fluorescent but was low and soft and I noticed CFL bulbs under the lampshades.  Although this lighting made one feel cozy and at ease it also made it impossible to read the poor quality medical history form.  I had to resort to pulling a flashlight from my bag to read and decipher most of the print.

When I returned the form the office receptionist I had originally met was replaced by a snarly older man who looked over my form and told me (not asked) to take a seat.  I asked how long might it be before I saw the doctor and was told "he will get with you when he gets with you".

I took a seat near a table lamp and reviewed the selection of magazines which was sparse and not inviting--There were several copies of Hunter's Guide, National Geographic, and only two very old People and Ladies Home Journal Magazines.    I resorted to watching the flat screen television which was showing old Dr. Phil episodes although the volume was so low so I had to make up the dialogue.  It was either a show about hairy men or problems with teens who dress like vampires.  I wasn't sure.

The furniture and waiting room was designed in "Early Office" and to say it was boring is an understatement.  I noticed several tears in the fabric on the chairs and a couple of wads of gum were visible under the table holding the poor selection of magazines.  The color on the walls was off white with pictures that had to have been ripped off the walls of a nearby Motel 6.

Finally, a medical person (who knows if she is a nurse of just graduated from an online medical technician course), called my name....(this review will continue in next week's column).

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

July Horoscopes

Another month and another horoscope 'cause those stars and moons just won't stay still.  If you joined the world in July then you are either a Cancer or a Leo both of which are delightful signs in the Zodiac.

Let's start with those of under the influence of Cancer -- Cancers are loyal, trustworthy, complex and full of surprises.  Cancers make great friends, employers and financial advisers.

Right now, Cancers are experiencing a Juxaposition of their Moon and Jupiter.  This can only mean one thing--it is time to stop thinking and start doing.  Perhaps it is time to build an addition onto your home, or to take a shower, or start drinking or pay your taxes.  Whatever you have been putting off needs to move into the Action Mode.   The Stars say "it is time".

Also, Cancers are needing to start paying attention to how they look....yeah, that is right.  You see your left hand is in opposition to your right hand and Pluto.  This means it is time to start looking fine.  Toss out those dull leisure suits and boring browns, and grays.  It is time to shine, and that means COLOR!  Reds, yellows, oranges, pinks, lime green---all the colors of the fashion rainbow.  Don't be afraid to make yourself look like a taxicab in Thailand!  It is your time to be noticed even if all you get are people looking at you and shaking their heads.  Shine on....

For Leos there are things happening in the moonbeams.  Leos do not like to be, never.  They love excitement, and attention and like to be in control.  Lions are not docile and passive--they are out there and they are in charge.

Right now, Leos are having some alignments between their 7th and 8th houses and  some kind of asteriod, which means there is a lot going on in Leoville.  Leos are going to feel the pull to work on their relationships with people they don't like.  Yes, that means you Leos are going to play "nice-nice" with people who irritate, annoy, aggravate and just plain make you sick.  The stars say it is time to build peace in the world and Leos have to lead the least until the planets and other astrological things shift a bit.

 Another thing happening for Leos is the Sun Sign has found its way to the forefront of your chart.  This is not easy, but you will find you have no choice but to start watching Infomercials all night long for at least three months.  Yes, and you will tempted to order things that you never wanted -- juicers, hair replacement plugs, laundry additives, music from the Dark Ages...and the list goes on. It will be a time of no sleep and rude remarks from your loved one.  Good luck...

May the Stars Shine Upon You...

Monday, July 5, 2010

America The Beautiful

Yesterday, in celebration of the birth of our nation, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut stuffed 54 Nathan Hot Dogs in his mouth in 10 minutes!!  If that wasn't enough to bring tears to your eyes, the contest was marred by a radical and disgruntled former Hot Dog Face Stuffer, Takeru "The Tsunami" Kobayashi, who crashed the proceedings because he had not followed all the rules to enter this momumental event and salute to our country.  Joey, however, was unwavering even as the police drug "The Tsunami" off the stage swearing in Japanese and demanding his chance to participate in this American Dream.

There is nothing more American than stuffing 54 hot dogs into your mouth in 10 minutes without gagging.  I know that for some Americans, waving the American Flag, watching fireworks and listening to patriotic songs is the way they want to celebrate our Nation's birthday, but for many, watching some guy perform a gluttenous act in public, is America.

God Bless you, Joey....

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Cherry Pit Spitting Contest Winners!

There are many competitions in the world--World Series, World Cup, Tour de France, and the hardy recognized  "Annual Cherry-Pit-Spitting Competition" held in Eau Claire, Michigan.  Once again, Rick "Pellet Gun" Krause won--his 16th win.  He spit his cherry pit 51 feet, 3 inches.  Wow...he is gifted, and his wife, Marlene took first place in the Women's division spitting her pit 34 feet, 6 inches--her 7th win. 
Their  training regime evidently is a year round  event and since cherries are seasonal they have to practice with different kinds of pits--date pits, apple seeds, prune pits and in the winter months, they spit ice cubes. 

This competion started 37 years ago when the founder was undoubtedly under the influence of something, and has managed to continue and attract people whose athletic abilities are questionable.  If interested in competing, please first seek professional help.